Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
