apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
