i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
