After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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