I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I pour the whiskey from now on
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
