She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
