She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
