but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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