My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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