so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your cock deserves a montage
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
