she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize