Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
