i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
