Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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