can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
