I wanna passion pit in your ass
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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