I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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