So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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