Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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