I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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