capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
