The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
