my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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