His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Help. Why am I so naked?
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