Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
