She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
