Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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