guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
smell my finger.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
