I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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