just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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