He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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