also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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