I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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