... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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