I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
