Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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