He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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