Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
barbara walters just said penis...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
