just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
