A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
His hands were made for my vagina.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
