Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
