I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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