New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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