Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
