you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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