I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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