Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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