No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
there is puke in my bra ... again
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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