Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
But theres a keg here and me gusta
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
