The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
