I wannas sexs uuuuu
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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