all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
