now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
