u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
