i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have already put on my inside pants.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
