And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
