I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
