You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
