I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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