One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
