I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
"it" just moved
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Randomize
