She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
