Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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