hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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