I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
