WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i believe in u and ur pee
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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