OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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