i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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