tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We are all done wearing pants today
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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