I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
