Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
