I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
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woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
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