last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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