The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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