the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
