So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
