I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
