I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
It's rum buckets o'clock
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
