New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Let's get the cat blown out
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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