**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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