He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
